Tag Archives: personal

So let it fall wherever it may…

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I am here sitting in my living room attempting to study for my dosage quiz, with the fireplace warming the place up and a pumpkin spice candle burning, filling my little apartment with the aroma of pumpkin spice….
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Am also wrapped in a huge cozy blanket, nibbling on some homemade banana and oatmeal cookies, my favorite music is also playing in the background………yes you guessed it, life is perfect for me at the moment. I love moments like this when I am just enjoying the present, just me and my perfect little apartment. There are so many times I get depressed over missing my family and my life back in Kenya where I was surrounded with people who knew me most of my life, people who cared for me (even though they didn’t think of it that way)………and it brings me down because I keep wishing for these things again. My current life consists of MEETING friends but not really KEEPING most of them, because am either too busy working towards my future(and so are most people my age – either in school a lot or starting new careers and no time for a social life), and friends feel like extra work because people have responsibilities and hanging out has to be planned days in advance (I miss the good old days of texting my buddies to hang out without notice or go on adventures together without planning days in advance..sigh), my co-workers are probably the closest I have to real friends and that makes me sad at times, and thats when I start to live in the past…missing my old life. I understand the circle of life though, at certain stages in life, things shift and life is not always what we thought it would be when we were younger.
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Sometimes I try to wrap my little human mind around how wonderful life is or can be if we let it be, we don’t others or need things that others have to make as happy, we only need to take advantage of what we have to make us happy. As the weather gets cooler, all I want is to snuggle up inside all day and read a good book(in my case a nursing textbook ha) or watch back to back episodes of the Mindy project! (don’t pretend you don’t watch too much t.v)
Besides wanting to stay indoors all day every day, I also enjoy hiking in foggy chilly weather and of course photography. It is a good outlet from the normal work days and schools weeks…even though I do enjoy work and school (which you wouldn’t care to hear about haha), it is nice to do the complete opposite as a way to unwind and explore your creativity. I also do have some favorite humans I enjoy doing things with (that is if they are not working insane hours that leave me wondering how they survive…)
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Reading through my post, I realize that I may have been way too honest with you all (some of you I’ll be seeing on a daily basis so don’t judge me please haha), am happy to share my thoughts and am certain you can relate to some of this content as well.
I photographed everything in this post with my iPhone, and I am very impressed with how good the iPhone camera is. Am taking advantage of weather changes to grow my photography skills, isn’t this place beautiful? Btw, if you can’t tell yet, I love natural settings more than urban settings, there is something very attractive about un-touched wild growth compared to nice architecture (unless its historic…then thats another story..)

Shyness

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When I wrote my first monologue of a post at 18 years old, I never thought at 25 years old I would ever talk about shyness..seriously, it would have seemed like a retrogression of some sort, but I have realized, the older we get, the more self-aware and wiser we become, and I have truly grown from that 18 year old girl I used to be.
Are you one of those people who are just going about life and people around you start asking things like, “why are so quiet?, do you want to say something?” etc etc, if yes then stick around..
Growing up, I never would have categorized myself as a shy person/quiet, I always had a group of friends that I talked to, but people especially grown ups (teachers and family friends)would always tell my parents I was quiet or shy, and they gave it a negative connotation, making it seem like it was a bad thing..which made me want to get far away as possible from that label.
In college, shyness/being quiet became even more of a thing because I was in a different country going through a very different social adjustment, with college students who constantly pointed out my differences and socializing just became exhausting to me unless it was with Kenyan people (who obviously I clicked well with).
Out of the school environment, I still get the “quiet girl” label with my interactions with others, and at first I just wondered…is it such a bad thing to be quiet?, I know at times it may make situations a bit awkward with new people, and its required sometimes to feign interest in someone so as to diffuse this awkwardness. It also may make you seem uninterested in others around you, and sometimes you may be….but it paints as rude (in places like a friends house, a dinner or a party etc)
Most times, as a quiet person people may tend to take advantage of you, and thats where you have to clearly set boundaries and say “no am not happy with that and stand your ground”
It is ok to be naturally quiet, there’s nothing wrong with it. Find people who you click well with and be good friends with them, in social situations, fake it! haha it may become exhausting but if its unavoidable, you’ve got to.
Quiet people are also underestimated a lot, and are some of the smartest people I know. For expats living away from home and away from your comfort zone, different social environment with unfamiliar social behaviors may make you a shy/quiet person because you are afraid of embarrassing yourself due to lack of knowledge in certain things that are familiar to others around you, and also people may approach you less or even ignore/lack to acknowledge what you have to say just because you are so different. However, over time, we adjust and are able to socialize easily.
Lastly, if you are this type of person, don’t be intimidated by the crowd..i mean, whats the worst that could happen? (unless your life is on the line haha), keep on living your life and know that there are very many people out there who feel the same way you do…and we are all just people!

If you prefer seeing me talk about the topic, click on the video below…warning: I have a cold and may have blood shot eyes and a strange voice haha, please bear with me, I really wanted to talk about this. I would appreciate your feedback too 🙂